As I discussed last week, prayer has always been a struggle for me and is currently even more of a struggle than it used to be. And yet, last Sunday while in church, I was overcome with the following prayer:
Thank you for the blessings you have given me. Thank you for these friends sitting around me and for the opportunities you have given me. Please do not let me take these things for granted.
But please, Lord, restore my fertility to me. Why must I struggle through this for so long? I try to eat well and be healthy. I do what I can, I do more than many women who receive their cycles after only a month off the pill. Why has my womanhood be missing for 5 months now? Please, Lord, let me feel like a woman again.
Please, Lord, show me what I must do to restore my fertility. Please, give me the knowledge I need and the confidence to implement it.
Please, Lord, restore my fertility to me. For nothing I do means anything unless you will it. Please make my ovaries swell and let a potential life burst forth. Please let my uterus cleanse itself; let me shed the lining building up inside.
I want to thank you, Lord, for giving me this learning opportunity. Thank you for showing me the light and teaching me about what that poison can do to my body. Thank you for teaching me this and getting me off the pill at such a young age. Thank you for bringing me to this point long before I want children, saving me from the heartache of infertility.
And yet, Lord, I still ache to feel like a woman once again. I wish to see that temperature spike, to see fertile mucus. For the first time in my life, I wish to bleed. Please, if you wish for me to wait longer, grant me patience. Grant me understanding and peace. Help me recognize and find whatever you wish to teach me.
Please, Lord, help me through this emotional time. Bring me balance. Please, restore my fertility.